On 2/26/07 9:58 AM, in article
tq06u2l0k6hn4780un010dqqq5fbubsaar@news-server, "-= Hawk =-"
<Hawk@thispartisbogus.cfl.rr.com> wrote:

> On Mon, 26 Feb 2007 08:54:58 -0600, George Kerby
> <ghost_topper@hotmail.com> scribbled:
>
>> You looking for a troll,is u?
>> Whose you talkin'too?!?
>> U talkin to me. Sure u talkin to me.!
>> I got you engloish RITE HEAR!
>> (Gesturing to crotch)
>> "Nuff said"
>> A-hole
>
> Did you have to work hard at being an imbecile or did your mom drink and
> shoot horse while she was preggers with you?
>
STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
(original by David Parsons)
(modified by David Fetter and Kurt Schumacher)
(Additions by Bob King, Ed Falk, Randy Howard)
(Merged with content from the Standard Flame Post version 3.432)

Dear:
[x] Clueless Newbie [ ] AOL subscriber [ ] WebTV subscriber
[ ] Lamer [x] Troll [ ] Mr. President
[ ] Geek [ ] Spammer [ ] Racist
[ ] Freak [ ] Dummy [ ] "Expert"
[ ] Google Groups Moron

I took exception to your recent
[x] post to the alt.cellular.cingular__________________ (newsgroup)
[ ] email

It was (check all that apply):
[x] lame.
[x] stupid.
[x] uncalled-for.
[ ] much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
[x] what you posted/said has been done before.
(Mark only if above checked)
[x] Not only that, it was also done better the last time.

[ ] It was a pathetic imitation of __________________. (net.personality)
[x] You quoted an entire post in your reply.
[ ] You started an off-topic thread.
[ ] You continued a long, stupid thread.
[ ] You posted a binary file to a non-binary newsgroup.
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message.
[ ] You posted a "test" message to a newsgroup other than alt.test.
[ ] You said "me too" to something.
[ ] You claimed "X rules, Y sucks" but failed to support your lame
statements with evidence.
[ ] You brag about things that never happened.
[ ] Your sig is obnoxiously long.
[ ] You posted a cyber-sex/phone-sex ad.
[ ] You posted a MMF (Make Money Fast) chain letter.
[ ] You claimed that a pyramid scheme is legal.
[x] You crossposted this message to WAY too many newsgroups.
[x] You obviously don't know how to use your software.
[ ] YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THE CAPS LOCK KEY.
[ ] You didn't do anything specific, but you are generally so worthless
that you are being flamed anyway.
[ ] You posted racist crap disguised as information
[x] You are a troll.
[x] And a boring one.
[ ] your post/mail originated on FidoNet.
[ ] your post/mail originated on Delphi.
[ ] your post/mail originated on AOL.
[ ] your post/mail originated on WebTV.
[ ] As a WebTV subscriber, you should kill yourself now.
[ ] your post originated on the Google Groups GUI interface for newbies.
[ ] As a Google Groups user, you should kill yourself now.
[ ] your post/mail originated from the anon service.
(Mark only if above checked)
[ ] your stupidity will be reported to the
admin@anon.penet.fi per the anon disclaimer under
"inappropriate use"
[ ] your post/mail originated from WorldJazz.com
[x] It originated from a commercial service unwise enough to take your
money.
(Mark only if above checked)
[x] you felt this gave you a license to be a 'tard
[ ] your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or
Website
[ ] you asked for a WWW site for adult pictures.
[ ] you posted a personal message to netnews instead of email.
[ ] you posted a request for sexy email
[ ] More than once.
[ ] Using offensive/crude/clueless language.
[ ] Unimaginatively.
[ ] you posted a personal ad to a non-personals group.
[ ] More than once.
[ ] Using offensive/crude/clueless language.
[ ] Unimaginatively.
[ ] you posted a request for *HOT*BI*BABES*
[ ] your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors.
[ ] including errors in the subject line.
[ ] your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors.
[ ] YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
[ ] you posted a spelling and/or grammar flame.
(Mark only if above checked)
[ ] and you made spelling and/or grammatical errors.
[ ] you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission.
[ ] you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission.
[ ] your post/letter was an obvious forgery.
(Mark only if above checked)
[ ] It was done clumsily.
[x] you have a lame login name.
[ ] your machine has a stupid name.
[x] you have a lame email address
[ ] And it is from a free access provider.
[ ] And you are wrong in thinking that it is cute.
[ ] you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
[ ] you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added [ ] lines of
text.
[ ] you followed up a spam or a chain letter and included it in its
entirety.
[ ] you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me,
too!!!"
[ ] you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]".
[ ] you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group".
[ ] you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
[ ] you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
[ ] your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
[ ] you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line.
[ ] your .sig is longer than four lines.
(Mark only if above checked)
[ ] Your newsreader truncated it.
[ ] It has dead URLs in it.
[ ] your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
[ ] you listed
[ ] phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
[ ] snail mail address(es).
(Mark only if above checked)
[ ] you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
[ ] you included a stupid disclaimer.
(Mark only if above also)
[ ] your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer
failed.
(Mark only if above also)
[ ] Miserably.
[ ] you included:
(Mark all that apply)
[ ] a stupid self-quote.
[ ] a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
[ ] a stupid quote from Bill Clinton.
[ ] a Dan Quayle joke.
[ ] a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
[ ] lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
[ ] USS Enterprise
[ ] Australia
[ ] The Amiga logo
[ ] Company logo
(Mark only if above also)
[ ] and you stated that you don't speak for your employer.
[ ] Bicycle
[ ] Bart Simpson


Furthermore:
[x] You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of _all newsgroups_.
(newsgroup)
[x] You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
[x] You are a loser.
[x] You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this
clueless.
[x] *plonk*
[ ] This has been pointed out to you before.
[ ] countless times.

To Repent, You Must:
[ ] Give up your AOL account
[ ] Give up your WebTV account
[ ] Stop using Google Groups
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[x] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[x] Actually post something relevant
[x] We won't be holding our breath
[ ] Read and memorize the FAQ
[ ] Ask your husband/wife/life partner to slap you, REAL HARD!
[x] Ask your mommy to up your medication
[x] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
[ ] Stop smoking whatever you were smoking

It is recommended that you:
(Mark all that apply)
[ ] stick to FidoNet/Delphi/AOL and come back when you've grown up.
[ ] find a volcano and throw yourself in.
[x] get a gun and shoot yourself.
[ ] in the head
[x] in the genitals
[ ] Both of the above
[ ] stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
[ ] stop sending email and get a life.
[ ] consume excrement.
[x] consume excrement and thus expire.


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