Alan Parkington FAQ (Updated)

Who or What is Alan Parkington?

Alan Parkington is a tired phenomenon. Essentially, Alan Parkington is
an gutless fuckwit who is desperately trying to 'enhance' his pitiful
existence by being a Telstra sycophant, thus giving context to his
pathetic copy-pasting of Telstra press-releases, select copy-pasting
from Murdoch shit rags and related diarrhea from 'now we are talking'.

Alan has no ability for self-thought or responding with facts. Any
textual information written by Alan Parkington which has not been
directly copy-pasted from a Telstra press release is riddled with
spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors. This indicates the
extremely low level of academic ability this fuckwit is capable of.

Alan Parkington at various stages is also the byproduct of a gay sexual
'tag team' consisting of individuals from SA and WA using the same
pseudonym. This fact has been exposed by Alan Parkington's inability to
remember what it said only days before, and posting from various
PingPond cable IPs. Communication within the gay sexual 'Alan
Parkington' pseudonym tag team is pitiful at best, which is expected,
given the socially retarded status of the individuals involved.

Alan Parkington was also formerly known as 'Professor James Bell' and
'James Bell', before the REAL James Bell came on the scene and raped
Alan Parkington’s pseudonym to bits like the cheap TLS whore he is.


Why is Alan Parkington worth a FAQ?

To inform you of this fuckwit.


Alan certainly copy-pastes a lot of Telstra bullshit here. Why is that?

Alan has no capacity for self-thought other than being a Telstra
sycophant. The best it can manage is copy-pasting from various sources
and breaking copyright in doing so. Truly unAustralian.

Alan has no friends in real life, and was abused as a child. He also
suffers from a mild case of down syndrome. A specially made keyboard
with only CTRL, C and V was designed so this retarded fuckwit could
enjoy the world of the internets, albeit slightly limited in function.


But maybe Alan Parkington is a very clever and knowledgeable person?

Nup. Incapable of self-thought. Such an ability usually began
development by the third trimester in a normal individual. Alan
Parkington completely missed this stage of development.


But maybe Alan really is an expert in some areas?

Nope. Alan's only expert area is in getting his posts ripped to bits by
Rod Speed, or anybody else with a clue. If Alan were a Jap, he would of
disemboweled himself long ago - and made one hell of a mess in the process.


What is Alan Parkington's main modus operandi?

Troll. A piss-poor one at that.


But why do so many people respond to Alan in turn?

Essentially Alan is an agent for SingTel Optus, as his posts do nothing
but stir hate towards Telstra to fever pitch. Every post by Alan
Parkington has been a direct copy-paste of a Telstra press release or a
Pro-Telstra Murdoch shit rag article, which have then been bit-for-bit
picked apart to the pack of lies, factually incorrect statements and
bullshit that they are.


Are you saying that Alan Parkington is a Troll?

Kind of... but giving 'Alan Parkington' the troll label is an
unwarranted complement. A good troll requires thought to create an
ever-so-slightly factually incorrect or misleading post to cause a
response. Alan couldn't troll his way out of a wet paper bag if his life
depended on it.


What is the best way to handle Alan Parkington?

Tear his posts to bits, kill file or DDoS his bigpond cable IP so he
gets shaped or has to pay $15,000 GB in excess to Telstra - He'd love
doing that, afterall.